I read and learn and make art almost every day but i know that my way of interpretation is still very unstructured, if i am told to explain a painting, i looked at for more than 10 minutes, i would come up with a confusing paraphrase of how i felt and what i saw and my persepective would bleed out in minimum usage of vocabulary, a smol discription would come to surface and if that discription was a painting too, it would look like an oblong liquefied mush? with no handholds? and no concrete observations, why am i saying all this, all the paintings were really beautiful.. but did i mention that they were made by a four year old? and when i was looking at them, i felt kinda heavy in my lungs? colors. no drawings, no faces, only colors, spattered all over expensive canvas by a prodigy like spattered blood on a sink.. is this getting a little gory, these were made by a child, so ofcourse, they are positive, fun, innocent, pouring from the unproblematic and unfiltered conciousness of a child., but colors, so many reds, deep bronze, navy blue and bonewhites, i kind of fell into the sinesthetic sedative of all my senses in override, i know that sedatives are supposed to calm you down and ive been on its influence, myself but i havent felt at peace. not once. tbh, ive often believed that we have ten senses in total. five outside, touch, hear, see, taste, smell and the exact set of these, internally, as well, tending to the experiences, we have within our minds and which cant be seen from outside and as i was there, standing and looking at all that art, i felt the override in my cranium, while sedation was just spreading, cold, all over my scalp? feeling things, while examining art is best case, sensitivity to things and worst case, stendhal syndrome (you can look this up in the wiki search bar below↴⬐ hehe) but this was it, billions of things can be derived from a single painting and this was my derivation and i am hit again by the realization that ive always used art and literary expression as a way of making sense of data, before i even wrote, this blogpost, i didnt even realize, i felt this much, but now after noisy keyboard pressing and hurling out words while disturbing my boyfriend, here, its all out... and i am finally making sense of it and for as long as i know, no one is reading this but i hope somehow, someone else makes sense of this too.
